This quote is from a character in the classic novel Zorba the Greek: "I had fallen so low that if I had had to choose between falling in love with a woman and reading a book about love, I should have chosen the book".
This had a painful sting of truth to it.
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
3 March 2011
28 February 2011
Ideal Partner
A friend posted this a link to this wonderful blog post on Facebook titled "Date a Girl Who Reads". She also commented that if it had been written by a guy, she and others should date him immediately (it was not). The post struck a chord, because I might have written something like that (though in a wistful what if tone of voice, as opposed to the exhortative it currently is).
I wish I could date a girl who reads, who loves books. I wish I will find a girl who will find the fact that I have a personal library of 2,000 plus books, an enormous turn on rather than a puzzling, impractical extravagance.
I wish to find a girl who reads, and loves good movies, and who loves the theater like me, who likes long rambly conversations over a glass of wine. A girl who is intense and intellectual. Who might possess a somewhat mordant wit.
I would date a girl who reads. Now I just have to find her.
I wish I could date a girl who reads, who loves books. I wish I will find a girl who will find the fact that I have a personal library of 2,000 plus books, an enormous turn on rather than a puzzling, impractical extravagance.
I wish to find a girl who reads, and loves good movies, and who loves the theater like me, who likes long rambly conversations over a glass of wine. A girl who is intense and intellectual. Who might possess a somewhat mordant wit.
I would date a girl who reads. Now I just have to find her.
10 June 2009
Love Condensed?
On certain occasions, fiction mirrors reality to a rather uncanny extent. We quote music lyrics because sometimes they express what we feel in a more direct and pithy way that we otherwise manage. So I found this passage in Julian Barnes's England England, which I am now reading:
Martha knew exactly what she wanted: truth, simplicity, love, kindness, companionship, fun, and good sex was how the list might start. She also knew that such list making was daft; normally human but still daft. So while her heart opened, her mind had remained anxious. Paul behaved as if their relationship were already a given: its parameters decided, its purpose certain, all problems strictly for the future. She recognized this trait all too well, the blithe urgency to get on with being a couple before the constituent parts and workings of coupledom had been established. She had been here before. Part of her wished she hadn't; she felt burdened by her own historyCouldn't have put my current feelings more accurately and concisely that what Barnes has written. Fiction mirroring reality.
15 April 2009
Profiling Yourself
The internet abounds with profiles of yourself. Taking myself as an example, I have profiles on Facebook and MySpace. I keep a blog. I have a short write-up (and some reviews posted) on Amazon. I am sure my internet footprint goes even wider than that. This can be rather more scary than one would necessarily realize.
Other netizens have already written about the pressure that this kind of blatant self-describing can bring. What books or movies should I list among my favourites on Facebook on other sites? Harry Potter is just about acceptable, but stating that you love Dan Brown sends a clear message of a low brow, follow the herd mentality that doesn't speak well. List Dostoevsky, Pushkin, Satre and Derrida and you risk looking like a pretentious twat. It's worse on internet dating sites where the entire point of the exercise is to present and market yourself.
Like in most things, honesty is usually the best bet. You don't want to portray a great love of Ayn Rand only to struggle to remember who the protagonist of Atlas Shrugged is. Don't ever list anything that you can't talk about in more than vague terms (The main guy was Howard Roark, oh wait that was the Fountainhead wasn't it doesn't count, to use the Rand example).
Needless to say, everything has to be taken with a pinch of salt. Two economists (I forget where I read this exactly, I think it was in Freakonomics) showed that the better part of 75% of women list themselves as "above average" or better in looks on internet dating websites. There is a similar discrepancy in the income range figures that men claim to make and the median national income. Both are clearly not possible. It does seem to solidify the social stereotypes that physical attractiveness and wealth respectively are the two main trump cards that men and women are perceived to be looking for in prospective partners.
We all come into contact with various profiles of acquaintances of acquaintances, or random strangers on Facebook. I even heard of couples getting together after viewing each other on Facebook and then deciding to meet. I must admit to having browsed some of these many profiles randomly (on Facebook and other sites), particularly when pursuing one of my most natural and innate talents - namely procrastination.
I have come to realize that looking at what some people write about creates powerful and immediate gut reactions. I need not be told that it is probably fundamentally unsound to decide whether you like or dislike a girl based on the fact that you listed similar favourite books or films, or you share certain interests, or if you liked the particularly witty or rambling way in which she writes.
More powerful than shared affinities though, is what I call the ick factor. Situations where you cannot help but recoil in mild disgust. They need not necessarily be deal breakers, but there has to be considerable affinity in other aspects of personality or interests to overcome them. I think it is useful guide - in a sense we are better at understanding what we dislike rather than what we really like.
I've come up with a short list that will almost immediately cause a shiver of revulsion:
Definite Turn Ons:
The sum total of this exercise? The laws of human attraction are inherently inexplicable (unlike the more scientific laws of electromagnetism that govern our world). Perhaps out of all this procrastination I do have a clearer idea of what I want after all.
Other netizens have already written about the pressure that this kind of blatant self-describing can bring. What books or movies should I list among my favourites on Facebook on other sites? Harry Potter is just about acceptable, but stating that you love Dan Brown sends a clear message of a low brow, follow the herd mentality that doesn't speak well. List Dostoevsky, Pushkin, Satre and Derrida and you risk looking like a pretentious twat. It's worse on internet dating sites where the entire point of the exercise is to present and market yourself.
Like in most things, honesty is usually the best bet. You don't want to portray a great love of Ayn Rand only to struggle to remember who the protagonist of Atlas Shrugged is. Don't ever list anything that you can't talk about in more than vague terms (The main guy was Howard Roark, oh wait that was the Fountainhead wasn't it doesn't count, to use the Rand example).
Needless to say, everything has to be taken with a pinch of salt. Two economists (I forget where I read this exactly, I think it was in Freakonomics) showed that the better part of 75% of women list themselves as "above average" or better in looks on internet dating websites. There is a similar discrepancy in the income range figures that men claim to make and the median national income. Both are clearly not possible. It does seem to solidify the social stereotypes that physical attractiveness and wealth respectively are the two main trump cards that men and women are perceived to be looking for in prospective partners.
We all come into contact with various profiles of acquaintances of acquaintances, or random strangers on Facebook. I even heard of couples getting together after viewing each other on Facebook and then deciding to meet. I must admit to having browsed some of these many profiles randomly (on Facebook and other sites), particularly when pursuing one of my most natural and innate talents - namely procrastination.
I have come to realize that looking at what some people write about creates powerful and immediate gut reactions. I need not be told that it is probably fundamentally unsound to decide whether you like or dislike a girl based on the fact that you listed similar favourite books or films, or you share certain interests, or if you liked the particularly witty or rambling way in which she writes.
More powerful than shared affinities though, is what I call the ick factor. Situations where you cannot help but recoil in mild disgust. They need not necessarily be deal breakers, but there has to be considerable affinity in other aspects of personality or interests to overcome them. I think it is useful guide - in a sense we are better at understanding what we dislike rather than what we really like.
I've come up with a short list that will almost immediately cause a shiver of revulsion:
- An inability to write in complete sentences; gross ineptitude in the use of grammar or punctuation
- Using txt speak or excessive CAPS
- Stating a love for Korean and/or Chinese TV dramas
- Saying that God is their best friend, and/or listing the Bible as their favourite book
- Listing romance novels or worse fashion magazines as favourite reads
- Music tastes that include mainly J-pop and Jay Chou, Hip/Hop, R&B and Rap
- Smokers
- Listing main interests as shopping and karaoke
Definite Turn Ons:
- A penchant for intelligent conversation
- A person who loves to read, and read widely (and who enjoys some of the same authors that I do)
- A love of theater and musicals
- A love of independent, art house and classic movies
- Thinking about philosophy, values, and other such deep, impractical issues
- Enjoying traveling
- Saying that they like nerds
- Someone who is quirky and a little random, out of the ordinary.
The sum total of this exercise? The laws of human attraction are inherently inexplicable (unlike the more scientific laws of electromagnetism that govern our world). Perhaps out of all this procrastination I do have a clearer idea of what I want after all.
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